One in four Britons have lost their marbles. A quarter of those who work from home admit to answering Zoom calls whilst panting on an indoor exercise bike. Apparently, they perform this madness to appear ‘healthy, disciplined, and dynamic.’ Another half divulge leaving Zoom calls early to feign busyness. Swirling around their brains is, no doubt, the next world-first app. Or perhaps the secret blueprints for a silent fire alarm. Two-thirds of these absurdities manipulate their laptop camera angle to ‘appear more dominant.’
I suspect the majority of these shysters are of my generation—Millennials. You’ll encounter such curiosities in their natural habit of LinkedIn, a kind of Facebook for raging narcissists sapped of the stigma such maladies invite.
On Facebook and Instagram, one’s narcissism must disguise itself behind a syrupy sentimentalism or a vague concern for mankind. Often, an aspiring influencer has her tits out, beneath the outing of aforementioned tits rest the wise words of Gandhi.
On LinkedIn, getting one’s tits out for Ukraine or the Afflicted of Foreign Land or that week’s altruistic concern is frowned upon.
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