Technology is often portrayed in the popular press as a source of peril for society. It is fashionable to decry the “addictiveness” of social media, for instance, or the “distractedness” engendered by consumer devices such as the smart phone. Digital technology is said to be tearing down democracy, harming our mental health, destroying our personal relationships, and other similarly bold claims. Yet, we find during this global pandemic and its resulting social isolation, modern technology — and yes, even social media — are playing a critical role in helping us sustain human connections.
I know this from experience. For my wife and me, social media was a lifeline during the worst trial of our lives, providing a tangible example of the value of social capital. Our experience offers a hopeful example as we try to overcome social isolation and help one another during the coronavirus pandemic.
On June 11, 2019, I took my wife to the emergency room after she woke up unable to move her right leg and experiencing debilitating neck pain. She had given birth to our healthy baby boy, our first child, only three weeks prior. Stumped by her symptoms, the doctors examined numerous MRIs and CT scans for three days. They were surprised to find a rare eight-centimeter tumor growing in the middle of her upper spinal cord.
After we arrived in the emergency room and were waiting for the first nurse to see us, we began texting close friends and family to update them and ask for their prayers. Just hours after receiving the shocking news about the tumor, we set up a Caring Bridge website to provide updates to friends and family. The text message chains had become unmanageable because of the outpouring of messages from people asking, praying, and expressing love and concern for my wife. Next we shared that website on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Those platforms allowed waves of love to wash over us day after day. We also posted pictures, messages, and updates that gave people a window into our experience.
During the darkest time between the diagnosis on June 14 and the surgery to remove to tumor on June 19, Rachel and I went again and again to social media to read notes of encouragement from friends, family, and even strangers. On the day of the surgery, people posted tributes to my wife, asking their networks to pray, donate, and send love to us. Then on June 28, my wife suffered a life-threatening pulmonary embolism that sent her back to the ICU. Once again, there was on outpouring from family and friends on social media, letting us know they were praying for us.
Reading the hundreds of notes and messages felt like small encouragement vitamins. Whenever Rachel and I were feeling down, we would open one of the social media apps and, even if we had been logged on a few minutes prior, there would be new messages encouraging us. Thanks to social media, this love and call to prayer spread around the world, to Ukraine, India, and Hong Kong.
Both the tumor and the risky surgery left my wife without the use of her legs, her right arm function diminished, and numbness or weakness from her chest down. And we knew our young family would face steep medical and disability related expenses in the months ahead. With help from friends, we set up a GoFundMe page. That link was shared on social media and helped us surpass every fundraising goal that was set. This alleviated the costs from medical bills and those associated with adapting our home to make it accessible. (Crowdfunding is something 8 million other Americans have done to alleviate health care costs.)
As someone who focuses on technology policy for a living, I couldn’t help but marvel at the extent to which social media had brought light into our lives during our darkest days. Doubtless, without social media our friends and family would still have loved us, prayed for us and encouraged us. We are convinced, though, that the volume of communications sustained over time — to say nothing of the global spread — would not have been possible without these technologies.
In times of duress, social capital becomes more important than ever. My wife and I discovered that we are millionaires when it comes to social capital. These informal connections and networks built via face-to-face interactions and relationships proved more valuable even than money when we most needed help.
The decline of social capital in the United States is a prominent theme in the social sciences today. In 2017, Congress’s Joint Economic Committee created the Social Capital Project to study and make recommendations on their findings because of social capital’s import to the country and economy. Books like Tim Carney’s “Alienated America,” Charles Murray’s “Coming Apart,” and JD Vance’s “Hillbilly Elegy” in different ways all tell the story of social capital’s decline.
We are now facing a global trial that tests the strength of our social capital as we sequester ourselves at home to flatten the curve. Beyond the health impacts of the virus, we are beginning to feel the ramifications on the economy, especially for unemployment and small businesses. These challenges would be difficult enough to face under normal circumstances, but facing them while many of us are stuck alone at home is even more daunting.
When my family faced months in the hospital, social media provided an important tool for us to build new relationships and connect with our communities. It allowed us to maintain ties with former co-workers, old roommates, and college friends. It helped strengthen already strong ties. In other words, social media helped us not only expand our networks but also to make them stronger. Social media allowed us to share our experience and others stay connected with us. People who were experiencing their own loss or pain that summer reached out to us to share their experiences; telling our story made them feel less alone and vice versa.
There are policymakers and pundits who focus exclusively on the negative aspects of social media and digital technology. It leads them to recommend policies that would hamper these innovations. There are those who go so far as to wish social media didn’t exist. But that’s like looking at a playground full of children, observing that there are bullies, and concluding that playgrounds must be bad. While bullying should be addressed and the victims comforted — in virtual spaces no less than in physical spaces — policymakers would do well to remember what else is happening on these platforms: Human beings are connecting with one another.
When you find yourself feeling alone or reading bleak news stories, try FaceTiming your family, posting on Nextdoor to run an errand for your neighbor in need, or asking for recipe ideas for dinner tonight on Facebook. Use these tools the way we did, to draw on and grow your social capital. When you do so, you are also helping someone else build up their social capital.
Thanks be to God, my wife is recovering and has begun walking short distances with the help of a walker or crutches. Our son is healthy and growing. During this time of social distancing, we hope our story can help others see that, thanks in large part to modern technology, it is possible to build and maintain connections with one another even — or perhaps especially — when we are physically separated and socially isolated. Rather than focus on the negative, realize there is a great amount of good that comes from social media and technology. Like Rachel and me this past summer, we are all now reaping the benefits of these technologies that make it easier for us to sustain human connections in a time of need.
Taylor Barkley is a Program Officer for Technology and Innovation at Stand Together. He and his wife Rachel are residents of Washington, D.C.